Responding in gentleness

“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” Proverbs 15:1
Proverbs is full of simple gems of what may appear to be common sense, but which we often fail to perform in our lives. Here is one that makes perfect sense, but which is often so hard to put into practice. When there is a heated situation, responding in kind can only make things worse. An argument can’t be sustained by one person ranting – it needs two people, throwing words back and forth at each other, to survive and grow. The trouble is, often times when we are arguing with someone, we do so in ‘the flesh’; that is, the sin nature that we all have. It takes great control and discipline to resist the temptation to respond harshly when someone is lashing out at us, and instead, to respond in gentleness. But if we do, it will have the effect of quenching that fire, and ultimately bringing healing and restoration. Responding harshly only stirs up anger and makes the situation worse.
The house where I lived in London was part of a terrace, and our neighbours on one side used to argue frequently. We could often hear every word that was said – at least by the husband. It seemed that he had a very quick temper, and he certainly could shout and swear the loudest of the two of them, but after some listening I couldn’t help but wonder if the wife was only making things worse, perhaps by goading him. Here in Proverbs the key to defusing a heated situation is to respond with a gentle answer. The other person won’t be expecting it, and it will take the wind out of their sails.